I saw ol' Green Eyes yesterday. I even knew I would. He stood across from me, kinda, at the basketball game versus my school and his.
He kept looking over at me, even my sister noticed.
(P.S. my sister is amazing, she bought me pickles! Best present thing ever! Spontaneous pickles!!)
I rolled my eyes at him, which he probably couldn't see, but all I wanted was for him to leave me alone, to stop looking at me.
I think I like the attention, though.
Maybe I feel threatened by him.
What I want from him is that he is always around.
Those 5 minutes wouldn't be enough, so I didn't even want a taste of it because it would only be too hard to crave it for such a long time afterwards.
That is my only hypothesis.
I am pretty sure I am not a cold person inherently.
Although I did literally turn my back so he wouldn't see me/come over. He didn't.
But why??!!!!! ARGH! Stupid teenage angst. What is wrong with me? With him? I want him to be a permanent fixture in my life, but do I actually want him?
You know, it took me about 3 years to finally be comfortable around TyBeans? Maybe I just feel threatened by guys. Maybe because I am so drawn in by them and just want to tell them everything. Maybe that means I have learned not to make such a fool of myself around them.
Am I afraid to love? Do I just not love Green Eyes in anyway? I think its the first. Its just so scary...
This is my shoutout to my amazing lil sis, as well, who is turning 14 tomorrow. She is awesome and is growing into a funny, strong, good natured woman. Wow. Woman. My little baby sister!!!!
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