Stop it.

Yes, that's right, stop it, just stop it. Yes, I'm talking to you. I'm talking to all of you out there. I can't do this. I am so overwhelmed. So just leave me alone, ok? Please? Because everytime I get close to someone, something happens. I stop being interested and hurt them or they stop being interested and hurt me either way making me feel bad. Not just lovers (not that there have been any of those) but also friends. I always seem to ditch my friends. I should come with a warning. Warning: Gets Tired and Disposes of People Quickly. I think in terms of my friends, my motto is actually "The further away the better" because the friends that I like best are the ones who are never around. And then you, you that kid at the ice cream store, STOP LOOKING at me. Because I can't do anything. I don't have enough energy to be nice to you all the time and I feel bad when you turn those big brown eyes on me. I like you, which therefore means that I am not comfortable around you, so please, if you know whats good for you, either lay off or lay it on thick. If you talk to me, I will talk back. I don't ignore you because I hate you, I ignore you because I don't know what to do around you. I still have the mentality of a kindergartener. I'm just so tired. I am ready for summer time. Please, someone, save me from myself. I always expect too much of people. They can't be arrogant, spoiled or late. They can't always talk about themselves but they can't echo everything I say. They have to be opinionated but in the right way and they have to be independent. I found very few of these people. But, I guess I have the wrong ideas about friends. I always expected to meet a couple and stay best friends with them for the rest of my life, maybe conveniently falling in love with one of them and marrying him. But that doesn't happen. Ever. I meet someone who I click with for a while and then I get tired of them and move away from them. So, just stop it, ok? Please. For these next coupla weeks I don't want any interaction more than brief flirting and small talk. That's it. I'm too worn out to do anymore. I will break with more guilt and possibilities and woulda coulda shouldas. So, please, just let me figure out my life. I'll call you when I do.