I Celebrate Myself: My Version of Walt Whitman's Poem

I celebrate myself. Or at least I accept myself. Some days I feel as though I know myself well, others I am incredibly suprised. Those are the days when I hear something incredibly cutting and uncalled for come out of my mouth or when I notice my own biases and prejudices. Those are also the days when I look in the mirror and think "Wow, I am beautiful" or beat a personal record. I am far beyond perfect. I like to believe that I am queen but I know the extent of my power and I try to use it well. I am smart, or so my IQ tests would have me believe, but I don't believe in grades. I am afraid of being judged and yet I judge. I act confident, as though I know the answer to all the problems, and yet I always mess up when I am the one stuck in the quicksand. Oftentimes, I do know the answer to the problems of the people around me. I have a good feel for humans and I like to believe that I believe that they are innatley good, but sometimes I am suprised by the smallest things. I try to do random acts of kindness and yet it is on those days, the days when I am nicest to other people, that I am meanest to my family. I love colors. I cannot let go of anything because I know that someday I will need it and often I find that, if I have waited long enough, I do find a use for that little plastic box or that awful hat. I believe in beauty and I do see it in people. I see it in the curve of a hand or the way someone smiles. I am arrogant and yet oh so self-concious and I despise arrogant people. Someone once told me that we hate the people who are most like ourselves. I try to have an open mind but there are days when I get the urge to just force people to do things. I am interested in almost everything and a lot of the time, I do things just to prove that I can. I was that girl in elementary school who would do pushups every day until I finally got good enough to do more than the boys just to prove to my P.E. teacher that girls CAN be just as strong as boys. I am Miss Independent and yet I still ask my parents to walk me to the door. I am a romantic, an idealist and a realist. I used to be an optimist. I love drama, maybe because I hate focusing on myself or maybe because it is terribly interesting to me to watch other people. The truth is, I love myself and I think that this is a good thing because if I hated myself, life would truly not be worth living. I am this person who is so mature and sensible and yet some days I know it is just an act. I am taller now, leaner, muscler. I have dark brown eyes, long eyelashes and beautiful lips. I hold my head high like a queen and I have that strong chin that is said to be the mark of one. I pierced my nose last summer, I have long curly black hair that has a mind of its own and the fingernail finally grew back to replace the one that fell off after I slammed it in my locker. I smile less and laugh less now, I feel more serious but I try to remember not to overthink things. I love my singing voice and the little heart shaped mole on my left arm. I have long fingers and square hands, earth hands I think. I am a Leo and show all traits of it. I feel so young, so helpless sometimes and in those moments I have to remind myself that I need to be strong, that I can be strong, because I am all that I have but I don't think that this is really true. I love characters, people who can make me laugh. My favorite person is my grandfather and my second favorite person is that boy I loved. I am strong and independent and head strong but I love people and I love helping people and I love that sense that I get when someone finally feels good about themself. Lately I haven't been able to cry, but today I cried while watching TV. I believe that every human, EVERY human has the right to life, the right to be. I don't believe in the death penalty because, at least for me, leaving someone alive with the same thing to eat, the same bed, the same room and no variance, that, THAT would be worse than death. Death is the only thing I do not fear. I am me. I am this, this person who is growing and changing and shifting every day, this person who has such a terribly strong desire to change the world, to make it better than the one that I live in today. I know that it can be better because I believe that people care what happens to those around them. I am this young girl of a generation that has grown up with computers and color television, DVDs and personal cell phones, global warming and growing gaps between people of different color and race and gender and nationality. I am this person who sees and feels the pain and I know, I have to know, that I can help this, that I can make this better, whether it be by smiling at someone or spending an hour donating free rice online. So I will move forward, through this fear, this pain, this darkness because I carry in my soul, in my heart, hope. That is the light that guides me. And if I can share that light, share that understanding, that belief that things can be better, that this life doesn't have to be a chore, than that is exactly what I will do. And that is why I celebrate myself.