World on My Shoulders

I know I am just really tired and that is why I am so stressed and weepy, but I feel like I am in this box and it is just closing in on me from all sides. It's no wonder that people have nervous breakdowns and take superstrength medication in America and that people are kicked out of their businesses at 25 because they are over the hill. I feel over the hill and I haven't even turned 17. There is so much I have to do. To get into these amazing schools I am supposed to submit an essay that sums up every facet of my being to a group of people who has read about a thousand of the same essays, hoping that, because of a 3 page paper they will accept me. But to go to those schools, I need money, so here I am writing more papers, trying to be funny, serious, charismatic, caring, independent....trying to put all that on paper just so that someone can maybe, maybe send me $1,000 so that I can attend a school of my choice without putting my parents onto the street. Then there are all the extracurriculars. I love volunteering, but I am supposed to have started a homeless shelter and tutored kids at the same time to get into the schools of my choice, while maintaining a 4.3 GPA, being a leader in everyday activities at my school, making varsity on every team or getting lead in all the musicals and still try to be happy. It doesn't seem to matter that, even if I am the worst player on the team, I LOVE the sport I play. Or that maybe I have a 3.6 GPA because I spend hours every night counseling people, trying to help them survive the HELL that is high school. That maybe I don't think grades could or ever should sum up anyone. And even though I am a great person and my mom reminds me that I have gotten into all the really selective schools that I have wanted to get into, I just find myself feeling so worried. Essays, grades, extracurriculars, sports, social life, being well adjusted....I can't do this all. I can't hold the world on my shoulders. And right now, I feel like I am doing it alone because the Green Eyed Kid...well, I don't know how we stand. It's not his fault that he is the only one who I can gush to about all this stuff and end up feeling better instead of feeling worse. So, I'm trying not to put him in that position, I guess, allowing him to be just as selfish (not that its a horrible thing) as most of my other friends who are great at ranting about their problems but REALLY horrible about listening. And it's summer. I am supposed to be happy. I have two jobs, went on a college trip, have a vague notion of what I want to do tomorrow, next week and maybe next month, am going to all the camps I love and here I am sitting in my room just wanting to curl up with the hopes that the elementary school rule of "you can't see me, I can't see you" will work. I guess I will put myself to sleep after rewriting my long list of to dos, knowing that tomorrow I am expected to find a replacement for shifts I am missing, change appointments, write at least two semi decent essays, sign up for ANOTHER standardized test, clean everything, fix everything.......I will make it through though. I always have.