Mezlca de Emociones

It's only the first day of summer and I'm already tired of fighting with my mom. She shirks her responsibilities, delegates them to other people and then still manages to make me feel bad for not getting to me when she wants me to. Things get put off until someone else does them or she is tired of being nagged: the car blinker, groceries etc. But when I bring them up I get in trouble and her eyes are filled with cold white anger. I don't want to spend the whole summer fighting. I want her to remember to do things the same way that I am supposed to. After all, shouldn't a fourty something year old be more responsible than a teenager?
Prom is not all it's cracked up to be. Not that I went, I actually went to the movies instead. I went to after prom and pre prom, just skipped that central part. And the only difference that it has inspired in me is exhaustion which could be the explanation of why I am just sitting here sobbing.
I start nannying tomorrow. I get to do all the things I love with people I like for money.
And the kid from Hebrew School...well I am so glad that it is summer. Because last night I just liked him more than ever. After I had teased him about not dancing, I heard he danced away while trying to make sure that his sister had a good time because she was going with one of his good friends. He is just such a good guy. I was looking at all the prom pictures and caught myself just grinning whenever I would see his. The little happy wrinkles he gets around his eyes are just...amazing. But isn't it so ironic that I am the only one of his friends, I think, that knows and helped him talk to the girl he liked and go on a date with her.
Summer, my favorite season is here. I am already dark from riding my bike to school. My arm hair is turning blonde. This is the season of long nights and freedom and loneliness. It's the time of books and long hours in front of the computer and poetry and staring at the big moon. It's the time when I throw my blankets off in the heat of the night and when I can wake up at six in the morning and go for a run. Ice cream, cooking, movies and smiles. Rest, stories, bright colors, new ideas and ambitions, bitter times of remembering the past. My birthday, music, sitting on the stoop watching cars go by, eating too much and wishing for rain. Green leaves, brown grass, multicolored tank tops and shorts, bright colors at outdoor movies and carnivals and festivals, a passing word with a close friend. And then the chaos will start again...