A Bit of Heartache

I have these days when I'm fine, I just live my life with an occasional thought that has nothing to do with the moment. But then I have these other days, days when I feel.....when I feel like I am being tugged at by everything and that the only person I really want to talk to, who could just make me feel like thats ok and that everything will be ok, is the one who is the furthest away from me. And I know that I could call him, email him, text him...but then I also know that I won't. These are the days when I can feel my heart ache. I sigh and feel the weight of missing him. I am dramatic I know. I am also probably obsessed or a stalker, or whatever people would say that this feeling makes me. Maybe part of me thought, hoped, that after so long I would be able to let go. But still, every now and then I get this heart ache for that boy I knew. I know better than anyone, though, that when you are wishing this hard for someone to show up or something to happen, that is when it doesn't. It is only when you have stopped wishing and have given up hope, have finally decided that wishing is nothing compared to living, that your wish gets granted. But telling myself those things doesn't stop the pain or the sadness and I end up crying again over someone who is not here in this moment. Maybe tomorrow it will go away again and I will have forgotten about that boy I knew. I will use my time to help other people and this, whatever this is, will be gone, pushed away. But maybe it means something that it is so difficult for me to keep all of this out of my mind, my heart and my soul. Maybe it means something that I still write him letters and talk about him and miss him so much it hurts. Maybe it means something strong...and maybe not.