Nervous Anticipation

I spent the whole day, literally 24 hours, thinking about when I was going to see him. I told myself I was going to deliver brownies to Lazy Boy, a mutual friend. And maybe I was, and I did, but I needed to see him. I felt so nervous all day and I believed that I was going to pee in my pants when we got to the field where their lax game was. And then I went and stood by the fence, they were just coming out of their huddle, and there he was. The only one without his helmet, that team mohawk sticking straight up. And that was it. He walked away and I stood there and realized that I was still breathing. I hadn't combusted or fallen over. My heart was still beating. He was on one side of the fence and I was on the other (maybe that means something, but it was just how it was). And I am alive and glad I went. Would it have been different if he saw me? Is THAT when the world would have stopped? Or will the world keep turning regardless. Probably the latter. All that nervous anticipation and nothing. And that is how I prefer it. Because that boy I knew, he's still alive, he's still around. I can't swoon every time I see him.